Moving Home

I broke a promise to myself and I can’t seem to forgive myself. What is it you might ask? Well, I moved back home. You also might be asking, well, what is the big deal? Well, for me, its a huge deal. I can’t seem to see past these walls and whenever I am here, all I think about is moving out to start my own life. Maybe it’s ego driven, I don’t really know, but something about being here doesn’t feel right. It’s not where my heart lies.

I keep reading how happiness isn’t about your job, your spouse, your dreams, its about following your heart, but you can also say, when you follow your heart, you are happy with your jobs, your spouse, your house, your life and your dreams. I guess it’s a pretty weird conundrum because you want all those things to make you happy but they can’t make you happy until you are happy, but happiness comes from following your heart & if those are your heart, then you will ultimately be happy. I don’t really know, I guess it is just be babbling on, but when you think about it, really think about it, happiness looks so different on everyone. You glow differently, you light up your life differently.

I can’t say I have this all figured out, but one thing I can for sure say, is I didn't listen to my heart in this instance. I moved back home and that little girl inside me never wanted that. She was also so eager to get out and start her own life. I don’t like playing it safe and yet, here we are. Playing it safe. I always believed life started on the other side & it did. It wasn’t easy by any means, I had a lot of nights crying on the floor asking myself what am I doing, but I loved it because it was mine. One of the biggest lessons I have learned is that no one and I mean NO ONE knows you better than you know yourself. They might have ideas, they might actually have good advice that resonates with you, but one thing I do know for sure, is that no one can please you like you can please you.

So, what is this lesson? I don’t really know, I guess its a lesson in following your heart, following your gut. Following what will set your soul on fire. If these past year has taught us anything, its that life as we know it can change in the blink of an eye. Don’t take anything for granted, go after those dreams, fight for what you love because guess what, nothing is ever lasting. Love isn’t an emotion, its a commitment. To love someone, love yourself, love your career, love your life means you are committing to love. You are committing to what brings you joy because joy is the emotion and joy brings about love. So when you say you love something and I mean truly love something that sets your veins on fire, that glows deep within you, just know you are making a commitment and commitments are never easy to follow, but they are always worth it. So, from this moment forward, remember to commit to yourself because you are love and in order to love you, you have to be committed.

XOXOXO,

Nicole